My Most Prized Possession...

I love this time of year. Around 6:00 every night the temperature is perfect and during this time of year I purposely plan our supper time around it so that we can eat outside. If it weren't for the 6.5 million misquitoes that drink tons of my blood (they love me and Grace) it would be perfect. Well, tonight- despite the misquitoes- it was perfect. Grace and I had a LONG day in Birmingham at an eye appointment, then the adoption clinic, and you could say....well....Grace's listening skills were not performing at thier best today. So tonight I'm so thankful that God made my heart sensitive to the lesson he was trying to teach me.

I, of course, was frustrated because Grace had been a tornado since we had gotten home. I'm sure we lost almost an entire box of crayons to the dogs because someone didn't put them up when she was finished, and the guest room looked like a hurricane had gone through it because of the insane number of times that Grace had changed personalities and put on different dress up clothes. In 10 minutes we went from being a butterfly, to an agent spy that looked strangely like an indian, to someone vaguely resembling Hannah Montana and then to a ballerina. And then it happened.

Grace walked outside and said, "Mommy, I have a prize for you." Now she had already told me this like six times inside the house. But I was so "busy" trying to get supper outside so that we could have the perfect dinner. Really, I am SO ashamed to say, I reluctantly took it just so she wouldn't ask me again. It is the pink envelope she is holding in the picture. Inside of that envelope are ALL of her valentines from her party at school- last February. When I asked her why she was giving me her valentine's she responded, "They are my most prized possession." So then I asked, "Honey, why are you giving me your most prized possession?" Her response was, "Because I love you."

{Enter the gasping and the Ahhh comments here}

This sweet, sweet angel taught me a HUGE lesson tonight. I mean, trust me. She's had better days. And even in the difficult situations we had today, she loved me so much that she looked past all of that to give me her most prized possession.

Isn't that just like God? Even in all of our ugliness that we have sometimes God loved us enough to give us his most prized possession in his perfect and Holy son Jesus. When I was taking advantage of this teachable moment with my child and explaining this to her she responded just like Grace usually does with...."Yea. I know that already."

Thank you so much God for loving me enough to look past all the trivial, crazy, and stupid things I get side tracked with to remind me of what is most important. I have kept Grace's prized possession and will put it away to give her later on in life when she needs a reminder (just like I needed today) that she is one of God's most prized possessions.

So- for that- she earned herself a little ice cream Sundae with WHATEVER she wanted on it. I honestly don't know how she ate all of that, but she did! And she loved every bit of it! And I'm so happy I had my camera handy to capture the moment!

Melodi is 17!!!!!

There is nothing that makes you feel older than watching the kids you know get older. So much older that they're becoming more like young women and less like kids everyday. And Melodi is one of those young women. I still remember when she was 8. I would go over to her house and she would climb in the jeep and I'd let her drive it around her neighborhood. She was pretty good at it, but she had lots of practice on the golf cart at her Pa-Paws. I have been so honored to watch her grow and mature not only in age but spritually as well. She is precious.

And now...I get to watch her with my little one. And now she's the one who is picking up my child and taking her on girl's night out instead of the other way around. Melodi, you are super special to me and we are so priviledged to know you. In a world where there are less and less Godly women as role models I am SO glad that Grace can look up to you. I don't worry when she's with you (outside the normal mom worry that is) and I'm thankful that we have you to share this life with. Thank you for being you. You are loved! Most especially by the Chinese princess, asleep in her room right now with the Melodi sign you made her on her door. Love you girl!!!! And please, if you can stop growing up we would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Control vs. Control

Consider yourself warned! This will be heavy so if you're not feeling up to the challenge I ask you to turn back! For those of you who are still with me then I hope what I have SO been struggling with will help you in some way. I'll start off by saying.......

I like to control things. There I said it. Not only do I like it.....I LOVE to control things. I THRIVE in controlling things. Situations. Environments. And...even people. You name it and I'll try to control it. And mostly, this has worked well for me. Until recently. I have a great person in my life who likes to point these things out to me. She does it lovingly, and pushes me (although sometimes it feels a little like shoving) towards growth. :)

Recently, she challenged me in my attempt to control things and I believe that I hit pay dirt. There is nothing wrong with control. If it's the RIGHT kind of control. You see, apparently there is a RIGHT kind of control and a WRONG kind of control. I never knew that! I see it as the difference between controlling and having control. I'm SO sorry if you're confused! It is confusing to me too, but having thought about it relentlessly now for 24 hours I think I'm finally starting to get it.

I have been so busy trying to control everything and everyone's behavior because it created a SAFE environment for me to exist in. By controlling everyone and everything I had unknowingly created a "false" sense of control for myself. In my attempt to control everything I realized I actually have control over nothing. And the harder I try to control things, the more out of control I am.

The definition of control I have been living by would probably have been the action verb tense of the word meaning "to exercise authority over and direct". The definition I probably need to have in my repretoire of words will still be a verb but would take on less of an action stance. And that definition would be "to regulate". It's actually the opposite of the first in my opinion. You see, the word regulate means, "to adjust for accurate operation." My form of control is simply NOT working for me anymore. It has not been operating accurately. I HAVE to change it. I don't know how I'm going to change it, but the counselor in me is smart enough to know that if I can just be aware of it and recognize it I can be more equipt to change it.

What does healthy control look like? Well, I think it's different for every person. For me, right now, where I am, it means several things. Realizing I can't control the why's and how's of life or why things happen the way they do. It means that I have control over my emotions when I allow myself to cry, grieve, melt down, whenever it is necessary to do so. It allows me to have MORE control and therefore be healthier. It allows my child, who comes from a background of abandonement to realize that it is ok to have and experience the emotions that come along with it. It gives her permission to gain control herself and not try to hold it together when I can tell she SO wants to cry. I very much DO NOT like to cry. But- I'm trying it out more. And even though at first I felt very much out of control, I am feeling more in control and realizing my body is actually pretty smart in knowing what it needs to do to be healthy.

You know, God also has his own theory on control. And that theory is that he wants us to let him have it. Romans 8:9 says that we are controlled NOT by our sinful nature but by the Spirit of the Holy God that lives in us. And in Him is ALL control. It brings me such peace to know that the God of yesterday is still the God of today and he's got it handled. Why would we think we could do it any better?

Thanks for reading the ramblings! If you are now thoroughly confused and feel you need further help (insert plug for my employer) please call The Enrichment Center and I am SO sure we can find someone to help push (or in my case shove) you towards growth!

One of My Favs....

I LOVE this song! I have the conviction that music is GREAT therapy! Music is my soul and speaks to me when nothing else can and when everything else is drowned by the chaos that is sometimes life. Be sure to mute the music at the bottom and listen to this song. It WILL bless you!

Just Because I Could Eat Her Up!

Silly face #1.....

Silly face #2.....

Silly face #3.....

Silliness getting out of control.....

Silliness WAY out of control!!!!

Notice the pj shirt says "Wild Child"......I couldn't find a more fitting description of this little Monkey. I LOVE this kid!

Meeting Mr. Chapman....

So we met Steven Curtis Chapman! The ministry of this man has always been important to me. For various reasons. Too much to get in to trust me. The quick version is this. I was saved at a Steven Curtis Chapman event during the long haired, yellow blazer days when he was still singing in churches. It was then that I REALLY understood what it was that Christ did for me. I've never really gotten over it! Anyway, I really trusted the Lord that night at that concert. It is so weird to think of now that he is HUGE! In fact, there weren't even that many people there that night! Years later (and I do mean YEARS later) his ministry became important again through adoption. So important that now I support it! I believe I could completely wardrobe us with Show Hope merchandise if we could afford it! Don't dare me......

Now, Grace doesn't know all the build up to meeting him nor does she really know who he is except that he has little girls that look like her. They're Chinese so she says she knows them. Ha! She was more interested in showing him her ring pop and asking him if he would like one.

I am so glad that we were able to meet him and for the people who allowed this opportunity to happen.....I will always be thankful. Here's Grace and that man (as she calls him!)

Notice the ring pop is front and center. My favorite part of this story.....when he was leaving to go back to the bus before the show he walked back by us and said, "Bye Gracie." She, without thinking twice, ran up to him, ring pop and all, threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest, tightest hug. After getting over the fact that I thought David Trask (Steven's road manager) might have a heart attack that this was happening, Steven bent down and kissed Grace's head. What a love this man has for orphans! Please continue to pray for this family. They are still struggling with missing their little one and the tragedy that took her away from them. However, they are choosing everyday to SEE how the Lord can be glorified through this and how beauty truly can rise from ashes. When he walked away, for the last time Grace turned and said, "Mommy, who was that nice man?" SO, SO funny. Definately a lasting memory.

Oh yea. We also met Michael W. Smith. Whom Grace told very eloquently that she was a cute as a bellybutton. Cute huh?