This post started out to be about Mommy guilt (which I am sure no one else struggles with!). Then in some reading I have been doing it just turned into a post simply about guilt. (Don't worry. I'm trying not to feel guilty about changing a post midway through.) Despite my best efforts, I feel guilty. ALOT! I could go into all the details about why I am most times motivated by guilt, but then I'd have to have you sign a confidentiality waiver. The true fact of the matter is.....guilt stinks. There is simply no reason for guilt to be an ever present, motivating factor in our lives. I don't know about you but there is no limit on the things that I could possibly feel guilty over. Grace can't tie her shoes yet so I might feel guilty over that. Isn't that still on the Kindergarten checklist? There are some things out of place at my house so I might feel guilty over that. Let's not even go into the relationships that are close to me. I feel guilty that I am not investing enough in them. I've done too little for them, too much for them, say no too much, need to say yes more often. ARGH!!!! After all the reading I've done, pondering, thinking, I've come to this conclusion....
Ladies, we have to get over it.
But-to get over it I think we need to know where the root of all this guilt lies. (This is where all the reading, pondering, and thinking comes in!) If we were all honest there are people that we know that have it all together right? WRONG! They simply just APPEAR to have it all together. Let's blame them. For instance, yesterday I was sitting at a table of WONDERFUL women who, in my mind, have it all together. Their children are well behaved, they look fabulous, and we all showed up to celebrate our other friend who is about to birth her third child. You know what our topic of conversation was at the table for awhile? Guilt! So- one thing we have to realize in our quest to get over guilt is that no one is perfect. There is no perfect mom, no perfect children, and no perfect marriage. For some reason, we just think there is. The only perfect person is God.
Another thing we need to do is tear up our "should" list. We need to just rip it to shreads. (I read this in an article and I actually made out a list and then set it aflame! Boy it was fun!) We all have a list in our heads of things we should do and then we judge ourselves based on that list! We are always going to feel guilty if we do that because the things on our list are things that only perfect moms, wives, and friends could do all of the time and we just read in the previous paragraph that there are no perfect people! So- get to ripping up that list sister. It is liberating!
And my last pet peave I'd like to mention in the guilt factor are the experts. You know who I'm talking about. The child psychologist you see on the Today Show who knows just how to conquer tantrums. The marriage expert who knows just how to restore the trust that may be missing from your marriage. Who exactly decides these people are experts? The acronyms behind their names? If that's the case let's all throw acronyms behind our names and we can all be experts. (My bff did this the other day and it was hilarious! Her acronyms were EL [excellant listener], SAD [superb advice doler], and FBFF [fab best friend forever]). Again, if we always compare ourselves to what the experts say, we are going to feel guilty. These "experts" don't know my family and so there is no way they could know what to do when my child pitches a fit in the middle of Wal-Mart. Take it with a grain of salt.
We are going to make mistakes ladies. We are not perfect, our children are not perfect, and God knows our husbands aren't perfect. You know what that makes us? Normal. The best thing we can do for everyone we invest in is to simply show up. Be present. Screw up when you need to and be fabulous when you can. It's ok. It's normal. We are all experts on our families. Comment me your acronyms. I'll post them so we can all see what kind of experts we are! Blessings.....
Paige Betterton GF, EL, PWM
(That would be Great Friend, Excellant Listener [stealing this from you Crysten], and present wife and mom. My acronyms are subject to change without notice. Just so you know.)
all the things.
9 years ago
