Counting Down My Thoughts

Four days.  In four days my little family will begin on this journey that will change our family dynamic forever.  I'm not a huge fan of change, (surprise surprise)  but as we are right here on the cliff and about to jump off we're not just going to jump off.  We are going to back up and run as fast as we can and THEN we will jump!  It's scary, sure but what else can we do?  My thoughts these days are all over the map.  I'm happy, can't wait to grab her up and kiss all over those little chubby cheeks.  I'm scared.  Being in China is hard.  Super hard.  It's such a lost country.  Not being able to listen to Christian music, not being able to take a Bible, and overall being watched every single place you go eventually takes it's toll on you.  I just remember some parts of our trip with Grace being almost oppressive.  That's been weighing heavily on me.     I'm cautious.  I'm thankful.  I'm unsure.  I'm peaceful.  I'm pretty much diagnosible at this point in the journey.  I cried today over.....I have no idea what I was crying about at 6:15 this morning drinking coffee on my porch.  No idea.

However, we know we have been purposed by God to adopt this little one.  I was worried this morning about the overall cost of this adoption.  And then I let my heart go to feeling guilty.  Guilty because, just for a moment I let Satan in and he was able to say, "Well, if you hadn't of had those miscarriages and had given birth you wouldn't have had to spend close to 60 grand in adopting children."  BAD THOUGHT I know!  But I want to be transparent.  But, on the other hand, if I had not had those miscarriages I wouldn't have her.....

or be ever impatiently waiting on this one.....

So.  Satan.  You're not going to win this one.  These little lives are too important, and just as WORTHY of a family and love.  I'm also reminded of how thankful I am for my adoption into my spiritual family.  My adoption as God's child makes me no less his own than his son Jesus.  How awesome is that?  This video I found is great.  I hope you enjoy it.  Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom of the page.  4 days till China....

Paige