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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Phrase of the Day (August 21)

This post is going to be a true, transparent look at how we really are doing.  The good and the bad.  There is certainly more good than struggle and for that we are thankful.  If there were a phrase for today it would have been “oh dear God” and I would have to give my husband credit for it.  It would be things like…
Oh dear God please let her take a nap today…
Oh dear God please don’t let her cry out tonight….
Oh dear God please help Grace listen…
Oh dear God please give me a break…
Oh dear God….

and it would and has gone on and on.  She really is doing well.  It seems we have had almost instant attachment which sometimes happens when they have come from an orphanage.  Not like Grace who grieved her foster mother terribly.  Lyla seems to be grieving no one.  But with this instant attachment comes the feeling of being stretched very thin.  Today, although thankful for the blessings, I am struggling with being everything for everybody.  Lyla constantly needs me and that means the attention is taken away from Grace. And when the attention is taken away from Grace she becomes loud and hyperactive.  And that is sometimes not what a stretched thin momma needs.  She wants to love on Lyla and Lyla doesn’t want to be loved on.  So she pushes, and hits, and pinches.  All of which Grace does not understand and feels like Lyla doesn’t love her.  So, I have to love on Lyla, gently correct, and sneak in love on Grace because Lyla doesn’t like it when Grace gets attention.  Now Grace is getting lots of attention from her Aunt Lauren and her daddy, but it’s just been hard for her.  So this momma is tired.  Trying to foster healthy attachment for Lyla, healthy adjustment for Grace, keep everybody clean, clothed, change a diaper, feed Lyla, and try to fit some time in for helping myself adjust to all the adjustment.  It’s enough to drive you nuts.

Things to think about….Lyla is sleeping.  Tonight she was even able to almost completely soothe herself to sleep.  Only calling me at the last minute.  She is, however, experiencing night terrors.  She will scream out in the middle of the night and she’s not even awake.  She is completely inconsolible during this time.  Last night we had to wake her up and as soon as she realized where she was she calmed down and went right back to sleep.  This scares Grace.  Who knows what Lyla is thinking or dreaming about.  It could be going back to the orphanage or us loosing her or…who knows.
Another thing is that this child will not quit eating.  She has eaten since day one and eats all day long.  The drinking has slowed down quite a bit but the eating seems to be getting worse.  She has to constantly be eating or have the security of food in her hand.  Today after we got back from lunch she was talking to our guide.  Our guide looked at me and said, “Lyla wants me to tell you she’s starving.”  That broke my heart!  She had just eaten all of her food and half of mine!  The child just eats.  That’s so sad to me.  Pulls at my heart.
The child will NOT get in a stroller.  Hates them.  The first day she did really good and we bribed her with chocolate to get her in it.  Not today.  So because she won’t ride she either wants to be carried or walk.  I can hardly hold her at this point with all the eating she’s doing.  I swear she’s gained at least 7 lbs in a week.  And when she walks she is soooo slow.  Trying to take everything in.  That’s just not going to fly in the airport.  We’ve got to move faster.  She will not sit in a high chair.  Wants to eat in my lap.  Her food and mine.  You get the point.
Grace wants to love on her and cannot understand why Lyla won’t let her.  Grace said, “who wouldn’t love me?”  She’s very sensitive to everything coming out of everybodies mouth.  Earlier Brandon was loving on Lyla and said, “Daddies baby”  When he left the room she looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked, “Am I still Daddies baby too?”
So even though we are doing well with Lyla and Lyla is coming along just fine we are still struggling in some areas.  We are thankful because things could be so much worse then what they are.  So in continuing with our phrase for the day…”Oh dear God”  please pray with us…..
….that the tb test will be negative when we go tomorrow to have it checked.
….that Lyla’s night terrors will cease.
….that God will give us wisdom in how we deal with Grace’s insecurities.
….that he will allow Lyla to get over her fear of having any barrier between us and that she will get into the stroller and high chair.  (purely selfish request)
….that he will begin to prepare us for the journey home.  Trust me…it’s gonna take an eternity and we’re not talking about the good side of eternity.
….that God will allow Lyla to transition with our dogs at home.

We miss you our dear friends!  We are ready to be home!

Paige

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