Sweet and Sour Blessings

Phrase of the Day (August 21)

2011-08-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

This post is going to be a true, transparent look at how we really are doing. The good and the bad. There is certainly more good than struggle and for that we are thankful. If there were a phrase for today it would have been “oh dear God” and I would have to give my husband credit for it. It would be things like…
Oh dear God please let her take a nap today…
Oh dear God please don’t let her cry out tonight….
Oh dear God please help Grace listen…
Oh dear God please give me a break…
Oh dear God….

and it would and has gone on and on. She really is doing well. It seems we have had almost instant attachment which sometimes happens when they have come from an orphanage. Not like Grace who grieved her foster mother terribly. Lyla seems to be grieving no one. But with this instant attachment comes the feeling of being stretched very thin. Today, although thankful for the blessings, I am struggling with being everything for everybody. Lyla constantly needs me and that means the attention is taken away from Grace. And when the attention is taken away from Grace she becomes loud and hyperactive. And that is sometimes not what a stretched thin momma needs. She wants to love on Lyla and Lyla doesn’t want to be loved on. So she pushes, and hits, and pinches. All of which Grace does not understand and feels like Lyla doesn’t love her. So, I have to love on Lyla, gently correct, and sneak in love on Grace because Lyla doesn’t like it when Grace gets attention. Now Grace is getting lots of attention from her Aunt Lauren and her daddy, but it’s just been hard for her. So this momma is tired. Trying to foster healthy attachment for Lyla, healthy adjustment for Grace, keep everybody clean, clothed, change a diaper, feed Lyla, and try to fit some time in for helping myself adjust to all the adjustment. It’s enough to drive you nuts.

Things to think about….Lyla is sleeping. Tonight she was even able to almost completely soothe herself to sleep. Only calling me at the last minute. She is, however, experiencing night terrors. She will scream out in the middle of the night and she’s not even awake. She is completely inconsolible during this time. Last night we had to wake her up and as soon as she realized where she was she calmed down and went right back to sleep. This scares Grace. Who knows what Lyla is thinking or dreaming about. It could be going back to the orphanage or us loosing her or…who knows.
Another thing is that this child will not quit eating. She has eaten since day one and eats all day long. The drinking has slowed down quite a bit but the eating seems to be getting worse. She has to constantly be eating or have the security of food in her hand. Today after we got back from lunch she was talking to our guide. Our guide looked at me and said, “Lyla wants me to tell you she’s starving.” That broke my heart! She had just eaten all of her food and half of mine! The child just eats. That’s so sad to me. Pulls at my heart.
The child will NOT get in a stroller. Hates them. The first day she did really good and we bribed her with chocolate to get her in it. Not today. So because she won’t ride she either wants to be carried or walk. I can hardly hold her at this point with all the eating she’s doing. I swear she’s gained at least 7 lbs in a week. And when she walks she is soooo slow. Trying to take everything in. That’s just not going to fly in the airport. We’ve got to move faster. She will not sit in a high chair. Wants to eat in my lap. Her food and mine. You get the point.
Grace wants to love on her and cannot understand why Lyla won’t let her. Grace said, “who wouldn’t love me?” She’s very sensitive to everything coming out of everybodies mouth. Earlier Brandon was loving on Lyla and said, “Daddies baby” When he left the room she looked at me with tears in her eyes and asked, “Am I still Daddies baby too?”
So even though we are doing well with Lyla and Lyla is coming along just fine we are still struggling in some areas. We are thankful because things could be so much worse then what they are. So in continuing with our phrase for the day…”Oh dear God” please pray with us…..
….that the tb test will be negative when we go tomorrow to have it checked.
….that Lyla’s night terrors will cease.
….that God will give us wisdom in how we deal with Grace’s insecurities.
….that he will allow Lyla to get over her fear of having any barrier between us and that she will get into the stroller and high chair. (purely selfish request)
….that he will begin to prepare us for the journey home. Trust me…it’s gonna take an eternity and we’re not talking about the good side of eternity.
….that God will allow Lyla to transition with our dogs at home.

We miss you our dear friends! We are ready to be home!

Paige

For My Auburn Buds.... (August 21)

2011-08-21T09:20:00.000-07:00

Gotta start early....

Still working on looking at the camera! Everytime I tell her to look at the camera she says something back to me in Chinese or she tries to make a peace sign. I think she’s probably tired of having her picture made. :) I can tell you that the SEC is represented well her in Guangzhou. We met some Arkansas Razorback fans today and also some LSU fans. Our guide mistakenly said the Alabama outfits were cute. She won’t make that mistake again she said. So from Guangzhou…WAR EAGLE!!! Or as Lyla said today…Wa Eadul!

Medical (August 20)

2011-08-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

Before the medical....

After the medical....

Still crying....

Crying some more....

The medical today was traumatic. For everyone involved. I do not remember it being that way with Grace. Brandon said it’s because we’ve possibly blocked it out. :) There were probably 15-20 other families in that place. All with screaming, terrified kids. These kids have just been taken away from everything they’ve ever known, been given to people they’ve never seen, and now people are poking and proding all over them. Doesn’t help with the whole attachment thingie. But…in retrospect…thinking about today, those babies are now with families who love them, care about them, and want the very best for them. They have mommies and daddies who will hug them when they get shots and when they have boo boos. Something they’ve probably never had before. And even though it broke my heart to see her cry today (even though I’m not sure if she was crying because she was scared or just because everyone else was screaming) it made my mommies heart glad to be able to comfort her. She no longer has to worry about no one kissing her boo boos.
So we survived! Now…pray for a negative tb test!!!!!

Paige

Last Night in Jinan (August 18)

2011-08-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

We made it! We survived our time in the province! This, in my opinion, is always the hardest part of the trip. Tomorrow, we will wake up, eat, pack, and head to Guangzhou. We do have to make one little stop at the passport office and then we are on our way! Once we get to Guangzhou we will be one step closer to home. When we adopted Grace I was very sentimental about her last night in her homeland. The thought has crossed my mind about Lyla, and her spending her last night in her home city, but now I think about what all is awaiting her instead of what all she is leaving behind. She is getting Aunts, Uncles, grandparents, cousins, and tons of love from friends of her Mommy and Daddy. A lot of love has been lavished all over this baby and she hasn’t even met all of us yet. So no sadness here tonight. Only excitement about being one step closer to home! She did not cry tonight. Probably because we let her fall asleep with that cell phone. But who cares! There was no screaming. When we adopted Grace, I began singing the song, Jesus King of Angels by Fernando Ortega to her everynight. Tonight Grace asked if I would sing that to them. I sang it along with Jesus Loves Me, Jesus Loves the Little Children, Be Thou My Vision, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, and was halfway through God of the Ages when Lyla, eyes barely open, said, “Mommy, shhhhh”. With that finger on her lip! Ha! I was never so happy to be quiet. Bless her. She fits in this family perfectly. God is good! He perfectly knitted together every single detail of this adoption. And his timing has been perfect. So goodnight, one last time from Jinan! Hello Guangzhou! Here come the Bettertons!

We'd Pay $100 for.... (August 18)

2011-08-21T09:06:00.000-07:00

1. Big Bob Gibson’s BBQ.
2. Rick and Bubba.
3. Any drink with ICE.
4. Any drink that’s cold.
5. Air conditioning that cools.
6. McDonald’s that tastes like McDonald’s.
7. Fruit
8. A SALAD!!!!!
9. To hear more than the 4 of us and our guide speak English
10. To walk down the street and not feel like we are going to throw up from the smells.
11. Ice Cream
12. Lasagna
13. To not feel like we’re going to die everytime we try and cross the street.
14. Our driver to drive on the road and not the pedestrian street.
15. a cup of coffee made from my coffee pot in my kitchen.
16. to not have to remember to not rinse your toothbrush off with water from the faucet.
17. everybody we know to have a webcam so we could see the faces we miss. (But that would be more than $100)
18. to be able to tell one of those babies at that orphanage yesterday that they had a family waiting on them.
19. anything from the room service menu that reminded us of home.
20. someone to do our laundry.

The Orphanage Visit (August 17)

2011-08-21T09:03:00.000-07:00

I have to admit I was very nervous about going to the orphanage this morning. After the night we had last night with Lyla I was sure she would not want to leave with us when it was time to go. First let me say, this orphanage is probably the nicest place I’ve ever been. Very clean (it actually smelled clean!), and the kids you can tell are very loved. There is lots of touch, lots of color, and lots of sensory stimulation here. It didn’t feel like an orphanage. I left with a very happy heart. Mostly because Lyla didn’t pitch a fit when it was time to go. She actually led us to our van! At the end the orphanage director came out and spoke to us. She was the only person that Lyla smiled and wanted to see. She hugged all over my baby. When it was time to go it was very sad to see them say goodbye to her. They were sad to see us go!!! We exchanged email addresses and websites. I made sure I let them know how much we appreciated them taking care of her. They were very appreciative that we genuinely cared about the Chinese people. When we got off the elevator on the 3rd floor and Lyla realized that we were on the floor that she used to call home she immediately tried to pull me back into the elevator. She wanted nothing to do with it. Her nannies came out and tried to hold her and she kept saying no. We actually only stayed there less than five minutes on her floor. She kept repeating the same phrase over and over again and John, our guide, told us she said she was scared. So we have been home tonight and she has been different. She’s let down her guard a bit. Showing a little bit of her stubborn side and just acting a little bit more like a toddler should. I think it’s because she knows somehow that she is ours and that she’s had some closure. Great day. Thanks for your prayers. Tomorrow we will go to the train station where Lyla was found and take a family picture. More closure. Tonight was just as horrible for Lyla when bed time came but we think we may have figured out why. She keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. Of course it’s in Chinese and we have no idea what it is. But after 45 minutes of her screaming so hard this Chinese phrase and us wanting to slit our wrist, we gave her the play cell phone, she walked right over, laid down, and went straight to sleep. :) So tomorrow, the phone will come out first thing. Who knows! Thanks again for your prayers! Two more days in Jinan!

Paige

Jinan Social Welfare Institute (August 17)

2011-08-21T09:00:00.000-07:00

From the orphanage today....

The Orphanage Director…Lyla loved her! When she came out to meet us Lyla smiled from ear to ear and called her “grandmother”..

The bed in the back by the door was Lyla’s…

Lyla’s nannies…they wanted to hold her and she would not let them! We didn’t stay long on her hall because, according to our guide, she kept saying she was scared…

We Are Up! (August 16)

2011-08-16T19:44:00.000-07:00

Last night was definitely our hardest night. Lyla screamed herself to sleep. She did let me comfort her, but still it was hard to watch! It makes us a little nervous about visiting the orphanage today but we are hoping it will bring her some closure of some sort. We are up this morning and she is happy! Eating as we speak. And having seen Grace using the potty I’m afraid we are now full blown into potty training! Not something I really wanted to do in China but when she’s ready she’s ready right? Say prayers for us today. It’s always hard to see all those babies needing families! Lots of love from Jinan…

Paige

Tuesday in Jinan (August 16)

2011-08-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Well today we have done absolutely nothing. We have stayed in the hotel. Mostly because it’s raining and everything we would go see is outside. So we slept in, ate breakfast, and then just came back and played. We also used this morning to catch up on our communication with home. We skyped, used facetime, and got to see lots of beautiful faces from home!!! Made us homesick a little more! Thank you so much for all your encouraging emails! We also painted toe nails, ate, watched a movie, ate again, colored with crayons, ate again, ate lunch, and then it was nap time. This kid eats all the time. And I mean alot!!!! We are hoping that will slow down with time. Today, I used nap time to have some quality time with Grace. We colored, made silly faces, and just caught up on some hugs. She is doing really good with having a new sister. But we are competing for attention and most often times it’s not in a good way. So getting in the extra time with her today was good. Tomorrow we go to the orphanage. Please pray about that. Not sure how little Lyla will handle it. And pray that I don’t snatch a few of those other kiddos up and bring them home!!!!

Mine and Grace's masterpieces....

Painting toe nails....

Good day....

Today (August 15)

2011-08-15T21:00:00.000-07:00

Today we spent what felt like years in 3 different government offices doing paperwork. First was the Civil Affairs office where we completed the first set of paperwork which we needed to take to the passport office. At the passport office things got a little tricky when we learned that one of the officials that the orphanage had built a relationship with was gone on holiday. We had to leave and go back to the passport office after lunch. We were still not convinced that it will be ready by Friday! John, our guide, said that he would call on Wednesday and check on progress. If it’s not as far along as it should be he said he would call the orphanage or some other adoption official. But for me not to worry. Yea right. He obviously doesn’t know me.
Overall, we cannot complain with how Lyla is doing. Night time seems to be our only issue, and we’ve made some adjustments and tonight worked much better. We had one uncomfortable moment at the Civil Affairs office today when the orphanage administrator, the lady who brought Lyla to us, came in. Lyla quickly abandoned everything she had, sippee cup and play phone, grabbed the administrator’s hand, looked at us and said, “bye!” and waved. Really, I believe she was saying, “See you suckers! I’m out of here!” I thought, “Here we go. Here comes the fit.” But she didn’t. The orphanage administrator said something to her in Chinese, Lyla shook her head no, the administrator repeated it, and Lyla came back to me. End of story. Please continue to pray for us. We can feel them! We are ready to come home, but we have 4 more days here and then we will go to Guangzhou. Jinan is a little harder to be in than where Grace was from. Our guide told us there are only about 120 adoptions a year here so they are not use to seeing Americans. We are very much not liking the attention we are getting. They are very nice and are just curious. But the momma in me worries that they are staring at Lyla. I hope they see that even kids with physical deformities are worthy of families too. So tonight we want to thank you for your prayers. Things are going way better than we could have ever dreamed. Please continue to lift us up. If there was anything specific I would say to pray for an on time passport for Lyla, and better transition to sleep for her. We love you guys and we miss home terribly!!! The only pic I managed to get from today…(for some reason I’m WAY busier than I use to be)

Few More Pictures (August 14)

2011-08-15T20:57:00.000-07:00

We’ve talked to lots of people today via Skype and Facetime! And for some reason I’m having a hard time uploading photos. I’ll stick with these for now!! Love you all!! We miss our family and can’t wait to come home! Surely now that we have her we can come home tomorrow? Yea right!
Sisters…

Facetime with Ms. Melissa and Mr. Kelly…

Playing with the stacking cups....

Meeting Lyla....

We've Got Her! (August 14)

2011-08-15T20:49:00.000-07:00

We’ve got her!!! All 3 ft. 30 lbs of her! She walked through our hotel door this morning like she owned the place. Panda in one arm and swinging the other! I think she’s gonna fit in just fine in this family! Don’t have time to post a lot. And might not over the next few days. Be patient with us! Here she is…

Betterton family of 4…

Surprise! (August 13)

2011-08-15T20:46:00.000-07:00

Well we are here! Relatively uneventful flight. I don’t think we were in the air for 45 minutes. Not to crowded which was amazing for an Air China flight! Our guide, John, met us at the airport and brought us to our hotel. Our room is fantastic. I don’t think I’ve ever stayed at a place so nice! We have a suite with a connecting room so we have plenty of room. Also, they have put a crib in our room for Lyla which is about the size of a toddler bed so we should be good to go! And now for the surprise part…

We are getting her tomorrow!!!!! One whole day early! And the therapist in me is very happy with the fact that they are bringing her to our hotel room. Her nanny is bringing her to our hotel room. This is great because it will be just us and we can have calm and quiet and play and not have to worry about 30 other people being in the room with us and it being so scary and chaotic. This is a huge blessing. We will be able to take pictures of her with her nanny and ask her questions, and very quickly try and connect with her before the nanny leaves. Of course I had to get prepared. We learned today that she is not potty trained (yikes!) so we had to go to the store. We took what I’m sure will be the first of many trips to Wal-Mart (yes I said Wal-Mart. And it was interesting.) to get Pull-ups, wipes, sippy cups, a few toys, finger nail polish (great for attachment) and a few items for ourselves. Now we are back and unpacking and setting up “home” if you will for the next week. The only other thing we have to do tomorrow is go and take a family picture. So….pray friends. Pray that there will be a smooth transition from her nanny to us tomorrow. Pray that she will grieve quickly and find her place with us. Pray for peace for us, and pray for Grace as the idea she’s had of having a sister becomes reality tomorrow. I am not sure if I will be able to blog tomorrow. But know that I will be getting pictures up as soon as I can! Thank you for lifting us up!

The Great Wall (August 12)

2011-08-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

This is my all time favorite thing to do here. The Great Wall. I don’t really know why except that is one of the 7 wonders of the world and it’s just neat to see such an unbelievable part of history. I forgot though about how horrible it is to climb it. It is so steep!!!! Brandon, Grace, and Lauren went all most to the top but I didn’t make it. I had Jello legs about 2/3 of the way. Here are some pictures from the day….

Carvings of Chinese into the brick on the wall…

And everyone wanted their picture made with us. Which I found strange. I think it’s because everyone was so inquisitive about us having a Chinese little girl…

My sister certainly wins the prize for the best pics of the day. These are great! Love the one with the kids in them.

This next one I love. I would love to get a hold of the cheeks on this little guy!!!

After the wall we went and shopped a little. Grace got her first piece of Jade. Jade is very important here. Everyone has a piece and its something you pass from generation to generation. Here’s Grace’s piece up close…

I had a very good encounter on the wall today with a Chinese lady and her daughter. It’s not unusual to see girls here in Beijing or in any other big city in China. It’s in the smaller cities and villages that you really notice it. But today on the wall there was a lady who looked like she was my age with her daughter. She was hugging her and giving her water and the little girl was laughing. This typically wouldn’t catch my attention but this little girl had down syndrome. And her momma was loving all over her. It truly made my heart happy to see this special needs baby being taken care of by her momma. So great day here. Tomorrow we fly from Beijing to Jinan and we will be in the same city as our daughter! Every day I ask Grace what her favorite part of the day was. And everyday she says, “It hasn’t happened yet.” She is so excited about meeting Lyla. There is alot on my heart that I want to share but I will wait. Next post is from Jinan!!

The Forbidden City (Aug. 11)

2011-08-15T20:08:00.000-07:00

This morning we thought we were going to the Great Wall but we were wrong! We went to The Forbidden City instead. Beautiful place. I am super tired and headed to bed but just wanted to post some pics first. Have a great day! 4 days till we meet Lyla!!!!

Long Live McDonalds!

2011-08-15T20:00:00.000-07:00

If we have spoken by Facetime or Skype since we have been here then you have all heard the stories about how great we’re feeling, how the jet lag hasn’t been horrible, and how our stomachs have just been…well…great. Not anymore my friends. It hit us today fast and furious and we’re hoping tomorrow they will settle down a bit. I really feel like it’s because we left the hotel at 8:30 this morning and didn’t come back until 8:30. And it was hot. Super hot. The practicing for hell kind of hot. We drank more water today than I believe we’ve drank in our entire lives and our once adventurous selves at lunch today had us begging for a chicken nugget tonight. I’m so neauseas that I have resorted to taking out the $5 Coke Light (Diet Coke) out of the room fridge and am sipping on it. I would still be drinking it if it were $10. That’s how desparate I am. Let’s take a look at today’s lunch…
There is rice of course. Steamed rice which is a staple and shows up at every meal. Then there was some pork dish which actually wasn’t that bad and reminded me of the lettuce wraps at P.F. Changs. There was a beef, pepper dish which was ok and then there was Kung Po Chicken. They also brought us Jasmine Tea.

New Blog!

2011-08-11T19:33:00.001-07:00

For some reason Blogspot does not work in China. I have been email updates to my sister in law but have gotten Wordpress to work. The new blog that I will be posting from starting today is http://www.sweetandsourblessings.wordpress.com/. Please check this blog from now on. We will post on it from China. April will continue to update facebook! Thanks!

Paige

Things I Learned Today

2011-08-11T19:24:00.001-07:00

This is not our first go in Beijing so you're not going to get a lot of "oh the buildings are beautiful, the architecture is fantastic" kind of lingo from me. All of those things are true, and I may include some pictures of those things from time to time but...this time I'm noticing all sorts of things I didn't notice the first time.

1. We are a spectacle. At least 6 people were randomly taking pictures of us today and trying to hide that they were doing it. When I would notice them they would wave and smile but still. They were taking pictures of us. It wasn't a "Oh lets take a picture of these Americans who are drinking Vitamin Water" kind of look we were getting. It was a "who are these white people and why do they have this Chinese kid with them, and should we be worried about it?" kind of look. None the less there are some Asians here that have pictures of us on their cameras and iphones.

2. Chinese people will take any kind of food and put it on a stick. I guess it looks more sophisticated if your lamb leg has a dagger through it so you can eat it while you walk down the street. Less cave manish I think. Today we saw scorpians, lamb legs, squid, something that looked like a sugar daddy with sesame seeds on it (which coinsedently has a stick in it), grapes on a stick, cantalope on a stick...you get the point. Maybe its a last ditch resort to get your kid to eat something they don't want to eat kind of thing. We might have broccoli on a stick when we get home.

3. It is possible to lose 5 lbs totally by sweating. It is so hot here that its almost impossible to not get sick from it. I will not waste time putting on makeup tomorrow because its not gonna matter. It will be gone 5 minutes after I walk out the door. Lisa Denson...you better get that ankle boot off before you come over here or you are gonna be miserable sister! Trust me...when your six year old begs to go back to the hotel and take a nap...its hot.

4. McDonald's still has my favorite pie!!!!! I LOVED these pineapples pies that they had when we came to adopt Grace! Wouldn't you know it? They are still selling them!!! We had one today. They. Are. Fantastic. They did not however have the fried banana pie. Maybe somewhere else in China will.

5. It's ok to let your toddler walk down a major city street completely nude from the waste down. And its totally ok to take a picture of it and plaster it all over the blog. Oh yea. And if he has to "go" while he's walking down the street....he'll go. Better watch where you step.

6. Chinese parents hate the squeakies in the squeaky shoes as much as American parents. Didn't get a picture of it today but I saw two kids whose squeaky shoes were missing the squeakers. Except for the little naked guy. He had on squeaky shoes and his were just a squeaking.

7. We will totally waste money on anything we think is cool enough. We paid $12 bucks for a wooden frog today that makes a the ribbet sound when you scrap the stick over him the right way. It's pretty cool. Grace loves it!

Overall, great day today. We are at the hotel now resting up. We feel great considering the time change. Much better this time than last. This afternoon we may take Grace down to the pool to swim. Tomorrow is a big day! Going to the Great Wall!!! Enjoy the pics!!!

I Knew God Wanted Us To Come to China....

2011-08-11T19:13:00.000-07:00

Oh yea. Woke up this morning and this is the first thing I saw when we opened up our curtains. Score! Even God knew that I needed that morning cup of Joe even though I was on the other side of the world. Woo Hoo!!!!

We Are Here!

2011-08-11T19:05:00.000-07:00

Hello from China!!!! We made it just fine! We are all tired and exhausted but we are in good spirits! Grace did fabulous on the plane of course. She slept almost 6 hours! She is such a good traveler. I definately cannot access the blog or Facebook so I will be emailing them to my wonderful sister-in-law at home who will be working her copy and paste magic into my blog format! Thanks April! Almost 5 years ago we were here bringing Grace into her forever family. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined we would be here again! And now....we are on the same continent as our second daughter! Continue to pray for our safety! Tonight as we landed I was reminded why we are doing what we are called to do. To hear the excitement as Grace exclaimed when the wheels touched the runway..."We are here! This is my homeland!!!" Love to all of you...

Paige

What You Do In An Airport...

2011-08-08T12:29:00.000-07:00

You sit like this...

And this...

And then you might pose like this....

You read Delta SkyMall magazines and find things you want but don't really need like this...

It only cost $7000. Whatever we are doing I can promise you we are excited! Phase one of the trip done! We are in Detroit!

China Bound Tomorrow!

2011-08-07T20:27:00.000-07:00

I have the greatest friends in the world.

They took time out of their busy schedules to come by my house this evening and pray with us. This was something we did before we left for Grace and my adoption friend Melissa Ross suggested we do it again! It was so moving to hear the prayers being lifted up for us! And to know that they would be continued as we are gone. Not only were these friends here, I had countless friends text, email, and send me messages on Facebook to let us know they were praying. I am blessed. We covet your prayers tomorrow. It's a long journey! Our flight leaves Huntsville International at 10 and we will fly to Detroit. We board a plane for Beijing at 8 tomorrow evening. I'm sure there will be one more post from the airport. Take care friends. Love to you!!!!

And I can't forget Grace's picture. She would be upset. :)

Counting Down My Thoughts

2011-08-04T06:35:00.000-07:00

Four days. In four days my little family will begin on this journey that will change our family dynamic forever. I'm not a huge fan of change, (surprise surprise) but as we are right here on the cliff and about to jump off we're not just going to jump off. We are going to back up and run as fast as we can and THEN we will jump! It's scary, sure but what else can we do? My thoughts these days are all over the map. I'm happy, can't wait to grab her up and kiss all over those little chubby cheeks. I'm scared. Being in China is hard. Super hard. It's such a lost country. Not being able to listen to Christian music, not being able to take a Bible, and overall being watched every single place you go eventually takes it's toll on you. I just remember some parts of our trip with Grace being almost oppressive. That's been weighing heavily on me. I'm cautious. I'm thankful. I'm unsure. I'm peaceful. I'm pretty much diagnosible at this point in the journey. I cried today over.....I have no idea what I was crying about at 6:15 this morning drinking coffee on my porch. No idea.

However, we know we have been purposed by God to adopt this little one. I was worried this morning about the overall cost of this adoption. And then I let my heart go to feeling guilty. Guilty because, just for a moment I let Satan in and he was able to say, "Well, if you hadn't of had those miscarriages and had given birth you wouldn't have had to spend close to 60 grand in adopting children." BAD THOUGHT I know! But I want to be transparent. But, on the other hand, if I had not had those miscarriages I wouldn't have her.....

or be ever impatiently waiting on this one.....

So. Satan. You're not going to win this one. These little lives are too important, and just as WORTHY of a family and love. I'm also reminded of how thankful I am for my adoption into my spiritual family. My adoption as God's child makes me no less his own than his son Jesus. How awesome is that? This video I found is great. I hope you enjoy it. Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom of the page. 4 days till China....

Paige

We Have Travel Approval!!!

2011-07-28T05:19:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been issued!!!! Our long awaited for travel approval is on it's way and I am waiting again! This time we are waiting for our consulate appointment. We've been waiting for over 24 hours now. I'm very much NOT good at waiting. However, this is necessary and at least the wait is not 2 weeks. Got to find the positive right? I have a very good feeling that we will hear today about our consulate appointment and that then I can email the travel agent and get her to work on our itinerary. And then maybe, just maybe, we will have an actual, tangible date. Something I can put on the calendar that Grace can see and we can start the countdown.

In the meantime, I have been buying the last of the gifts that we need to take. These are my favorite.

Not only because of what they say but mostly because of who made them. She's special to me! Thanks Laura. For being a part of this journey. You can check out her blog. She's got lots of cute stuff on there and her prices are really good! The name of her blog is Cute As A Button. Hopefully....I will be back later today with a date! It's a great day people!

Haywire in 3...2...

2011-07-25T07:16:00.000-07:00

Well we've reached the part of the adoption process that I call "Haywire". What I mean by that is things could get potentially crazy today. Or maybe in the next hour. Or even quite possibly in the next 30 seconds. Why might things get haywire in such a seemingly small amount of time you might ask? Because of the phone. It could ring. Any day. Hour. Minute. With the news that we can come to China to get our little one! It's very hard during this time to not let the possibility of the phone ringing control your daily life. With Grace it seemed that I checked the phone every single minute just to be sure that I might not have possibly missed a call. (Even though the phone was right beside me during that time!) So....to try and combat this control the phone seems to place over me during this stage I've decided to leave it on silent and check it only at lunch and before bed. So far....this is working pretty good. But I have struggled with it today. It will be 2 weeks tomorrow that we have been waiting on travel approval. We could wait another 2 weeks. Or they could call today. Ugh!!! See what I mean? I've also decided I'm not doing one more blessed thing to get ready to go. I'm not buying one more thing or getting one more thing on the "China collection wall" in the dining room. I am busy spending time with Grace since it is the last precious time I will have with her by herself. We are going to do something fun everyday. Something to help the time go by. And something that will help invest in her while she still has my undivided attention. I am also going to busy myself by having people over. Tonight my precious friend Julie and her husband will come over with their 5 children and we will fill this house and yard up with noise and fun! So much so that it may take all day on Tuesday to get over it! I haven't seen them in years it seems like and I will get to meet that newest little one Sam. Can't wait to get my hands on him!

Also, last week Grace got to spend the entire week with her Aunt Lauren, and Uncle Steve and towards the end of the week she went to my parents. Two lessons learned from this.....1) This is entirely TOO long to spend away from her parents who absolutely adore her. and 2) It is absolutely a good thing that she got to spend this much time away from her parents who absolutely adore her. She actually missed us and was ready to come home!!! This is huge for her! After almost 5 years of being adopted she has actually acted like she could take us or leave us. Yesterday when we pulled down the drive and our house came into view she said, "Yea! I'm home! This is the place I love most!" That totally made my heart smile! :) While she was gone she lost another tooth. Another growth opportunity for her mommy who likes to be apart of everything! Her Uncle Steve was the lucky one who got to pull it although I'm not sure that he considers it lucky. Grace said she thought he was going to throw up. Ha! Here is the picture of the moment. Enjoy......and when we get our travel approval I will let you know!

A Princess Worth Waiting For...

2011-06-18T13:01:00.000-07:00

I get very emotional over kids and their birthdays. After all.....it is the day God ordained them to bless this world with their entrance. They are his tenderness and mercy in tiny human form. I especially get super emotional about their histories and how they get here. Especially because Amy (Reynolds' mom) and I share some of the same "pre child" issues. This child was prayed for and yearned for a longtime. Her daddy said it best today in the blessing when he prayed that God would have his hand on Reynolds and bless her life. As he said, "This princess was worth waiting for..."

Thank you Jason for bringing me to tears. I appreciate it. I'm especially thankful I chose to wear my waterproof mascara today. You helped test it out and I can now inform the lady at the Clinique counter that it works.

But seriously.....isn't that so true? We are all worth waiting for to God. Now matter how we come into our earthly families or how we come to be adopted into God's family, we are all worth waiting for. Princess', Princes', Kings, and Queens alike. Every last one of us is a member of a Royal Family. How it filled my heart today with Joy to celebrate this little one. How it felt to hug her and her mom and know that this was so worth the wait. Happy Birthday sweet girl! Today you were truly a princess!!!!! Enjoy the pictures!

Queen Ali, Princess Reynolds, Princess Mary-Peyton, and Princess Lauren Grace.

Queen Amy with Prince Carter, Princess Karoline, Princess Grace, and Princess Kate. And yes, for those of you who don't know my friends Ali and Amy they are identical twins so don't think you are seeing things. They do look just alike.

Reynolds and half of Grace. I was trying to get Reynolds and Grace jumped in at the last minute!

The Royal Carriage...

The Royals with their Royal Mommies...

The tiny Royals....

Princess' Reynolds and Grace having a very grown up conversation about their dresses.

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl!!!!

Beach pics!

2011-06-04T12:07:00.000-07:00

I knew it would come. Our last day at the beach that is. I could live here. But then I would miss everyone I can't bring with me so I guess we have to go home. :) No beach trip would be complete without taking beach pictures of Grace. Next year, there will be 2 Chinese beauties in this picture. They are liable to be pushing each other, one might be crying. In my perfect world, they will both be looking at the camera and smiling lovingly. Yea right! My goal is to atleast have them both looking at the camera. Here's hoping! Until then....here's Grace!

This is my all time, absolute favorite.

And we can't forget....we got to meet our cousin Anne Rains.....she is fortunate enough to live down here. :) I haven't seen her in forever and Grace just met her for the first time. It took them awhile to warm up to each other, but after about an hour there were all kinds of little girl giggles coming from the shallow end of the pool.

As we wrap up our last vacation as a family of 3, I have come to realize that I truly am blessed. In every sense of the word. Blessed. Now....we gotta get home. We've got to get ready for China!

What the Fruit Loop?

2011-05-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

This is what adoption makes you feel like sometimes. :)

Sorry it's been awhile. A lot of "stuff" has been going on at our house and because you wouldn't believe it if I told you I'm just not going to tell you. :) There is one little unbelievable story though that I want to share with you.....

When you adopt anything and everything WILL happen to try and keep that adoption from taking place. Satan attacks you if you will. Things will tear up around your house that have worked perfectly. They will work perfectly the day before you start your adoption and then they will tear up the day after. Even physically things will happen. With Grace's adoption I lost an organ. Why should it be any different with Lyla's? But that's another blog installment. :) This story takes the prize of the all time wierdest things that has EVER happened to me. Literally.

I was at work and about to go in session with a client when my cell phone rang. I almost didn't answer it because it said, "816". But alas, I answered it anyway. The lovely lady on the other end said, "Mam, this is agent (insert name) with the Department of Homeland Security and I'm looking for someone who goes by the name of Paige Betterton." Um. Come again? Agent? Someone who GOES by the name of? I assured her I was the person she was looking for and gave her the correct email address. She assured me that in 5 minutes I would recieve an email and that I needed to respond accordingly. By this point I am LATE going in to session with my client so the blasted email just had to wait. Thankfully, it was my last client of the day so when all was said and done and I opened up the email I was confronted with the realization that my country was accusing me of using an alias. Apparently, my name was not legally changed when I got married. 10 YEARS AGO!!!!! Tons of questions started going through my mind and I called her back and asked her how this wasn't caught when we left the country 4 years ago when we went to adopt Grace. She didn't have a clue!!!!! HA! Well, after I assured her that every piece of legal documentation that I possessed had my now known alias on it, including my passport, she changed my name in the computer. (She didn't believe that I had a passport in this name. I actually had to email her a color copy of it.) I wasn't really comfortable with the fact my Department of Homeland Security didn't catch that I had an alias 4 years ago. And I'm kind of aggravated that I didn't know it! I might could have gotten away with something! There was no way I was leaving American soil with this up in the air. SO......you will ALL be pleased to know (as well as I was after my slight identity crisis) that my name has now been legally changed thanks to $22 bucks and Doug Bachuss of Nowlin and Associates. Always good to be friends with a lawyer. It helps that he's adopted 2 kids. For some reason.....he wasn't surprised at all that I was going by an alias....hmm.....stay tuned for the next and hopefully last crazy adoption story!

Meet Lyla Joy....

2011-01-03T14:53:00.000-08:00

Well...the last time I posted I believe was in August. I'm surprised I even have any readers left! There is so much that has happened since then. So many of them of noteworthy, but God has been at work in our family and the noteworthiness of our daily lives will simply have to wait. For now. Her news is more important. Many of you know we were adopting again and just as many of you were surprised when we got a referral so early! Brandon and I, for a long time, felt God calling us to adopt another special needs child. Grace is also a special needs child, diagnosed with seizure disorder. There is something special about these children. Every child is special, but special needs children are just, well, extra special. They seem to know what really matters in life (at an exceptionally young age) and let's face it. They can't help the way they are born. They are less than "perfect" in the world's eyes, but they are perfect to their heavenly father. And if they're perfect enough for him they're just right for us! So we came across our Lyla's file. Lyla is missing her right ear. That's it! Just born without it! The people God has blest us in giving their friendship, specialists in their field, gave their input and with the confirmation of the adoption clinic at Children's Hospital confirmed that Lyla's ear is strictly a comestic issue. It is the second leading birth defect right behind cleft lip, cleft palate. I will tell you at some point she will more than likely have a prosthetic ear. That should be an experience! She is healthy and normal otherwise. She has her left ear and normal hearing in that ear. So...it was then we decided that this little girl's file simply go back to China. WE WANTED HER!!!!! Isn't that amazing? She is now CHOSEN. She has a family. One that can't wait to bring her home to join our family. And here she is...

She looks a little mischecious doesn't she? Grace's referral photo looked the same way. Don't know what we'll do with 2 mischievious ones!

Now...we covet your prayers. Specifically, pray that God will go ahead and begin to prepare this little one for the transition into our family. Pray that she will find favor with the orphanage workers. Pray for NO EAR INFECTIONS in her left hear. We need that hearing to be the best that it can be!!!! And pray for Grace. That she will adjust to having a sister and having to share me and her daddy. And a room. And toys. And her house in general! She sleeps with Lyla's picture on the pillow beside her at night and doesn't understand why we can't just go get her! Also pray our paperwork will move quickly and that we will be able to travel mid summer to go and bring her home. We covet all the prayers we can get.

There are so many other things I want to tell you, but I will wait. Lyla deserves her own post. I'll be back later (but quicker this time) to tell you of the other miracles that have happened since August!!! Blessings.

Paige

P.S. I have no idea why my blogs and archives are so out of place on my blog! Got some blog organizing to do it seems!!!

Crazy Day!

2010-09-21T07:25:00.001-07:00

Today was crazy day at school. I, personally, think it should be against the law to let your children go out of the house looking like she does. But boy was she excited! I hope she was able to calm down because when she got out of the van this morning she was definately crazy. In more ways than one...

Ever had days like that? Crazy one's I mean? Most days around our house are chaotic. Everybodies up, gotta get ready, gotta get to school, gotta get to work and do the work stuff, gotta pick up from school, gotta get home, gotta get homework done, gotta get to piano, gotta get supper fixed, gotta get a bath, gotta get in bed, gotta do adoption paperwork....whew! And then you get to start all over again the next morning with all the gotta's. Well, the last few weeks all of my gotta's have been complicated by my little (really it's big) stomach acid problem which has led to me having to have another camera down the throat and lots of yucky medicine. I've even given up diet cokes. I know, I know, I can't believe I did it either.

I've been drawn to the book of Colossians lately. Don't know why but have just really been reading it over and over again. One verse has stuck out to me lately. "He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." Even my craziness. He holds it together too. Today I was reading my friend Mary Beth's blog, trying to catch up, I've been a slacker lately on blog reading because of the craziness, and she said, "We can do hard, survive, and give God the glory for what he's going to do." Not an exact quote I'm afraid but close enough. I can assure you her "hard" is definately harder than mine but hard is hard and I am SO ready to see what God is trying to tell me through this latest cycle of hard! With some good mixed in between...

Enjoy this song....I love love love it! If my throat didn't hurt so bad from all the acid I would be screaming it!!!! Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom of the page. Happy day blogger friends.

"He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have supremacy. "

Colossians 1:15-18

Beautiful Mess....

2010-09-09T14:42:00.001-07:00

I'm a planner. I'm not going to apologize for that. In fact, I think there should be an 11th commandment and that it should read, "Thou shalt plan." I had my entire life planned out by the time I was 16, and can I just tell you? God didn't get that memo. NOTHING in my life has gone the way I planned. I use to be kind of mad about it, but I decided to quit fighting with God on the matter and just go with it. The biggest "non-planned" activity we've had has been infertility. You can read back in the archive on this blog on how we dealt with that. I've been struggling with whether or not to post this, but I fill if I don't I'm not being truly honest about who I am. My heart has been SUPER heavy lately. But, in the healing of the past two months God has tremendously blessed our family and shown me how it's only HIS plan that matters. It is this healing that I want to share....

The third week of July I had my third miscarriage. I didn't know I was pregnant, but this time I was further along than the other two. I was anemic and just felt like pure crap. But, even though that was hard, the hardest thing was the response I got from people who found out. Now...mind you....I told very few people. Just my core group of women and family. My doctor didn't take me seriously which led to lots of later blood work, exams, and wacked out horomones. I now have a new doctor. :) And people just made truly insensitive comments. None of them were from my core group of family and friends. But I did reevaluate the meaning of friendship. I kept of book of stupid things people say when struggling with infertility and let me just say I REALLY got to add to it. Things were said, my heart was broken, and my spirit was so confused. I am convinced that we are never more beautiful than we are when we are a broken mess. But this is what has come from it....

-I was purposed to mother the motherless.
-I was purposed to have this struggle in order to help others in the same position.
-I was purposed to train in attachment therapy (which I never would have done without experiencing adoption.)
-I was purposed to bring attention to how many children need mothers and fathers.
-I was purposed. Period.

It dawned on me today that I have never thanked God for infertility. So now, I want to thank him for that experience. For it was in my greatest affliction that he gave me his greatest gift. And that would be my bug hunting Asian princess. And the other princess awaiting her family somewhere in China. I do hate that I've had those miscarriages. But in a way only God can, he confirmed his plan for us. Three weeks ago we recieved a monetary gift from a wonderful person (who shall remain nameless) that enabled us to make our next adoption payment. Make no mistake. We didn't need the money. We could have made the payment. But God chose to bless us in a dark time for me. His plan has never been clearer. So...I want to give back.

In two weeks time you will hear one exciting announcement coming from this blog. I will tell you that it involves raising funds, Show Hope, t-shirts, and adoption. Still working out all the kinks on my end. But you will truly be the first to know. And now....the cutest picture ever...of the cutest model showing off her Show Hope garb....

Moms....

2010-08-31T18:34:00.000-07:00

Well....I've had a heavy heart these days. Grace being in Kindergarten has made me realize the importance of what "little" time I have left with her. She's done fabulous. Had a few issues but none surrounding behavior. Which has surprised me. She's a little stubborn and hard headed, but she has a heart of gold and such a sweet, sweet spirit. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, that God has purposed me to be her mom. We've had some rough times at home lately....one very personal issue that the Lord is wanting me to share later....still not sure how to word it. But he's working on it. And the other with just realizing that I HAVE to TRUST him with her. She's come home saying some things that are not nice that I know she's hearing at school and to be honest....I don't handle it well. Lord knows I need help with not freaking out over some things. I want to be who she needs and lately...I've been questioning my ability. Last night, I was sitting with my core group of women, at Panera, eating soup, cake, sharing prayer requests, and discussing life's aggravation's. It occured to me that two of my core friends have a very hard day coming up for them tomorrow. They lost their mom three years ago tomorrow to cancer. Such a dear, sweet lady who couldn't love her daughters anymore. I know she would be so proud of the women they are. They are both just really fantastic people who I consider myself privileged to know. Great moms. Great women. Great wives. But who still just want to hug their mom. Tonight, we had a pretty bad bike accident which included Grace riding off of our drive head first into the culvert full of jagged river rock. I screamed, and ran to her, preparing myself for the gapping head wound I knew would greet me. She of course was crying, but there was nothing. No blood. Nothing. The mom took over and all the little attitude struggles we've been having were gone. I just wanted to be her mom. Tonight, I hugged her a little tighter when I put her to bed. I hope we will all hug our little ones tighter. I wish my mom was here to hug me. And Amy and Ali would give anything to hug their mom just one more time. Thankful tonight. And praying for my friends. Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom of the page before playing the video.

The Night Before Kindergarten...

2010-08-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Well....I knew this day would come eventually, but heaven knows I didn't think it would happen this fast. It just seems like yesterday that we were given this scared to death little girl. And in 4 short years here we are. Grace is beside herself with excitement and I am beside myself with the unknowns. What will she do all day? Who will she play with? Will she be sweet? Will other kids be kind to her? Have I taught her everything she needs to know before tomorrow? (Too late if I haven't!) OH Man! They don't prepare you for this part of parenting. The letting go part I mean. And even though I realize that I'm not sending her off to college and to conquer the world tomorrow, I realize how time has flown by and how precious every minute is. (Even though my wonderful husband has informed me that we will remember tomorrow on the day we drop her off at college. I could have hit him.) I so hope that kindergarten is everything she is hoping it will be. I pray God will surround her and protect her innocence as long as he sees fit. I pray he will give her friends that will be good for her and friends that she can be good for. Whatever he gives us.....I hope we handle it in a way that is pleasing. And now for one of the "first" firsts....one of our first glimpses of our larger than life kiddo.....

Cowgirl East Meets Cowgirl West!

2010-08-02T19:38:00.001-07:00

There are lots of pictures on this post so forgive me....but they are fantastic pics! Grace and I drove (yes, I said drove) to Texas. I don't know why I had the urge to drive 12 hours instead of fly 2 to East Texas. Seeing Judy was a great motivator, but I have always loved to just get in the car and.....go. So....It was just me, Grace, and the lovely GPS lady. I changed her voice for entertainment along the way. Kept me awake. I learned lots of stuff along the way...but that's another post for another day. Judy has these great friends who have horses and they are kind enough to fuel my child's love (fascination, obsession) for the four legged creature. I don't know where this love has come from, but I have the faintest inclination that it will NOT be leaving us anytime soon. I do believe a horse is in our future. When she's, like, 10 or so. Here's the little cowgirl and the big cowgirl Ms. Marie....

And this is Ms. Marie's silly cowboy husband, Mr. Curtis. He and Grace swapped hats.

She is loving every minute of this! And all I'm thinking is, "How much is a horse going to add to our monthly budget?"

Talking very softly to Blondie....

She rode her for awhile but mainly just wanted to stand there, pet her, and talk to her.

This picture is kind of dark but I hope you can see the smile on her face!!!

I believe we have a horse whisperer on our hands here....

Oh my....

I am thankful for the sweet hearts of Curtis and Marie for allowing Grace to explore her fascination of horses and teaching her all about them. Thanks guys! You are definately one of the highlights of our trip!

The Little Rock Climber

2010-07-05T17:49:00.000-07:00

Well, this weekend brought a new kind of "new" for our family. Hiking. In the woods. With a 5 year old. Who is scared of nothing. And fearless. Get the point?

When I was in school at Auburn I did A LOT of camping. Mostly because it was cheap and there were always tons of us that went and we had a blast! I discovered during those years I spent in God's country (I'm talking about Auburn) that I loved being outside. Hiking, camping, anything. I even spent a summer in upstate New York as a summer missionary which fed the love for being outside. Now when I got married, it didn't surprise people to know that I married a man who loved to be outside and camp and canoe and hunt. I believe Brandon would live outside if he could. And then we built a house in a neighborhood and my idea of vacation became beach, beach, and more beach. And then if we had time go to the beach again. Right before we went to China to get Grace we moved to a house on 12 acres that bordered a wildlife refuge with a pond. Wasn't sure I'd like it at first but I have since rekindled that love for the outside. Most mornings you will find me on the porch drinking coffee looking over the fields, and in the evening after G is in bed I'll be on the back porch looking for what ever kind of life comes wondering out of the woods. So- this year, with the beach being what it is and everything, we decided to do something different. G is old enough now to do such things as hiking so we went for it.

This trip was mainly about hunting and scouting some things. What does one hunt in the heat of summer you might ask? Well, one hunts a new and better place to hunt next hunting season. With this in the back of our minds (or Brandon's mind) we set out for southern Illinois where it is just as hot as it is here in the Tennessee Valley! We explored Crab Orchard National Wildlife Refuge and Giant City State Park. G was ALL over it! I think we may have started something with this little trip! As you can tell, you can put the girl in the woods and she will STILL be girly. Even while she's climbing on rocks!

And when we weren't climbing on rocks we would find one to relax on. For some reason, I don't think G will require a tent when she camps. She would be completely fine sleeping on the rock!

This trail was absolutely gorgeous. There was no telling how old some of those trees were and the amount of times the topography of the land had changed. It was like a huge history and geography lesson wrapped into a short 1 mile stretch of land. On one rock we found this....

I wonder what this person was thinking when he hiked this trail. Did it look the same? Probably not. Was it as hot? Could have been. How tall were these trees then? I wondered what J.L. Parker was thinking when he was on this trail. Or was it even a trail then?

One thing I learned really quickly on this hiking excursion with Grace... the child has got to learn about safety and interpreting trail signs. We turned around for 5 seconds and she was almost 5 foot off the ground climbing a huge rock. I think rappelling will be in our (or her) future! Brandon went up after her and tried to have a conversation with her about why we just can't run at mock 10 up a rock surface.

And wherever Brandon went, G was close behind. Either screaming, "Wait up Daddy!" (We didn't see a ton of wildlife on this trip. Probably because of all the screaming and loudness coming from termite.)

This was, by far, the best trip we've taken as a family this year. I am already scopping out another state park for us to go to. And if we weren't planning on being in China next summer I'd probably be planning a trip to Montana to visit one of our National Parks. As in all things lately, God spoke something to me on that trail. We got to one part that was wet and muddy, and I tried, really tried, to problem solve with Grace and see which way she would pick to get to the other side. I tried to talk to her about the importance of keeping our feet dry (we didn't have on boots), it was next to a little drop off and trying to keep that in mine. After my monologue, which I'm sure Grace enjoyed, she declared, "I know the best way to go Mommy." To which she promptly, (and quickly) went right through the middle of it! Not the way I wanted her to go! I wanted her to go around the sides so that she wouldn't be muddy and that there would really be NO chance of the mud leaving it's mark on her. Well, that's just really not like life for us lately. Sometimes, the best way to go is right through the middle of life. Where, even though you might come out muddy, you always come out on the other side and the better for it. There are things that happen everyday that we deal with. Some from our past, some in our present, that God wants to use for his glory thereby leaving his mark on us where we can say, "Look what God did through that. Look at how God used that for His glory." There are some situations in my life right now that have left their mark on me. The Bible says that God works everything together for the good of those who love Him. I'm beginning to think that it doesn't necessarily mean for MY good. It could mean that something hard could work out for the good of Grace. Or Brandon. Or some other person. And that I am just the vessel. Then...it's all good. So who cares if we got muddy. A little mud hasn't ever hurt nobody!

And here's my favorite picture from the whole weekend. A not so little, little girl who LOVED her first hiking trip!

P.S. I miss my jeep. I will seriously be thinking about this the next time we buy a vehicle. The jeep would have made the trip SO much better. Just saying.

Reynolds Turns the Big 2!!!!!

2010-06-25T17:25:00.000-07:00

How sweet is this precious face?

Her daddy, Jason, is precious too but trust me.....that little face is GORGEOUS!!!! She LOVES farm animals. I think I am partially responsible for that since Grace did give her the Fridge Farm for her birthday last year. Her birthday this year was at the petting zoo in Danville and wouldn't you know it? A storm showed up and showed out and we had to wait to pet the animals! Goats, Llamas, bunnies, and miniatures horses are so much fun, but they are especially fun after the rain!!!! Reynold's kept saying, "Goat, Goat" and, "Hop, Hop" for the bunnies. I've never seen
a child so excited and ready to pet wet animals as this one!

There was also a hayride.....here are Lauren Grace, Mary-Peyton, and Grace.....

And most importantly.......CAKE....KAY CAKE...from The Corner Bakery!!!! Reynolds had a candle cake and then everyone had cupcakes!!!!

Reynolds....you are such a beautiful blessing from God Almighty! Your Mommy and Daddy cherish you and the joy that you bring them. Mr. Brandon, Grace, and I are so glad we get to know you and your family! We are so excited to watch you grow and become the little girl that God is growing you to be! You are a treasure, to so many people. You are a princess of the Heavenly King sweet girl! Happy Birthday! And Mommy....get ready for those 2's!!!!!

My Most Prized Possession...

2010-05-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

I love this time of year. Around 6:00 every night the temperature is perfect and during this time of year I purposely plan our supper time around it so that we can eat outside. If it weren't for the 6.5 million misquitoes that drink tons of my blood (they love me and Grace) it would be perfect. Well, tonight- despite the misquitoes- it was perfect. Grace and I had a LONG day in Birmingham at an eye appointment, then the adoption clinic, and you could say....well....Grace's listening skills were not performing at thier best today. So tonight I'm so thankful that God made my heart sensitive to the lesson he was trying to teach me.

I, of course, was frustrated because Grace had been a tornado since we had gotten home. I'm sure we lost almost an entire box of crayons to the dogs because someone didn't put them up when she was finished, and the guest room looked like a hurricane had gone through it because of the insane number of times that Grace had changed personalities and put on different dress up clothes. In 10 minutes we went from being a butterfly, to an agent spy that looked strangely like an indian, to someone vaguely resembling Hannah Montana and then to a ballerina. And then it happened.

Grace walked outside and said, "Mommy, I have a prize for you." Now she had already told me this like six times inside the house. But I was so "busy" trying to get supper outside so that we could have the perfect dinner. Really, I am SO ashamed to say, I reluctantly took it just so she wouldn't ask me again. It is the pink envelope she is holding in the picture. Inside of that envelope are ALL of her valentines from her party at school- last February. When I asked her why she was giving me her valentine's she responded, "They are my most prized possession." So then I asked, "Honey, why are you giving me your most prized possession?" Her response was, "Because I love you."

{Enter the gasping and the Ahhh comments here}

This sweet, sweet angel taught me a HUGE lesson tonight. I mean, trust me. She's had better days. And even in the difficult situations we had today, she loved me so much that she looked past all of that to give me her most prized possession.

Isn't that just like God? Even in all of our ugliness that we have sometimes God loved us enough to give us his most prized possession in his perfect and Holy son Jesus. When I was taking advantage of this teachable moment with my child and explaining this to her she responded just like Grace usually does with...."Yea. I know that already."

Thank you so much God for loving me enough to look past all the trivial, crazy, and stupid things I get side tracked with to remind me of what is most important. I have kept Grace's prized possession and will put it away to give her later on in life when she needs a reminder (just like I needed today) that she is one of God's most prized possessions.

So- for that- she earned herself a little ice cream Sundae with WHATEVER she wanted on it. I honestly don't know how she ate all of that, but she did! And she loved every bit of it! And I'm so happy I had my camera handy to capture the moment!

Melodi is 17!!!!!

2010-05-24T19:03:00.000-07:00

There is nothing that makes you feel older than watching the kids you know get older. So much older that they're becoming more like young women and less like kids everyday. And Melodi is one of those young women. I still remember when she was 8. I would go over to her house and she would climb in the jeep and I'd let her drive it around her neighborhood. She was pretty good at it, but she had lots of practice on the golf cart at her Pa-Paws. I have been so honored to watch her grow and mature not only in age but spritually as well. She is precious.

And now...I get to watch her with my little one. And now she's the one who is picking up my child and taking her on girl's night out instead of the other way around. Melodi, you are super special to me and we are so priviledged to know you. In a world where there are less and less Godly women as role models I am SO glad that Grace can look up to you. I don't worry when she's with you (outside the normal mom worry that is) and I'm thankful that we have you to share this life with. Thank you for being you. You are loved! Most especially by the Chinese princess, asleep in her room right now with the Melodi sign you made her on her door. Love you girl!!!! And please, if you can stop growing up we would really appreciate it. Thanks!

Control vs. Control

2010-05-19T18:57:00.000-07:00

Consider yourself warned! This will be heavy so if you're not feeling up to the challenge I ask you to turn back! For those of you who are still with me then I hope what I have SO been struggling with will help you in some way. I'll start off by saying.......

I like to control things. There I said it. Not only do I like it.....I LOVE to control things. I THRIVE in controlling things. Situations. Environments. And...even people. You name it and I'll try to control it. And mostly, this has worked well for me. Until recently. I have a great person in my life who likes to point these things out to me. She does it lovingly, and pushes me (although sometimes it feels a little like shoving) towards growth. :)

Recently, she challenged me in my attempt to control things and I believe that I hit pay dirt. There is nothing wrong with control. If it's the RIGHT kind of control. You see, apparently there is a RIGHT kind of control and a WRONG kind of control. I never knew that! I see it as the difference between controlling and having control. I'm SO sorry if you're confused! It is confusing to me too, but having thought about it relentlessly now for 24 hours I think I'm finally starting to get it.

I have been so busy trying to control everything and everyone's behavior because it created a SAFE environment for me to exist in. By controlling everyone and everything I had unknowingly created a "false" sense of control for myself. In my attempt to control everything I realized I actually have control over nothing. And the harder I try to control things, the more out of control I am.

The definition of control I have been living by would probably have been the action verb tense of the word meaning "to exercise authority over and direct". The definition I probably need to have in my repretoire of words will still be a verb but would take on less of an action stance. And that definition would be "to regulate". It's actually the opposite of the first in my opinion. You see, the word regulate means, "to adjust for accurate operation." My form of control is simply NOT working for me anymore. It has not been operating accurately. I HAVE to change it. I don't know how I'm going to change it, but the counselor in me is smart enough to know that if I can just be aware of it and recognize it I can be more equipt to change it.

What does healthy control look like? Well, I think it's different for every person. For me, right now, where I am, it means several things. Realizing I can't control the why's and how's of life or why things happen the way they do. It means that I have control over my emotions when I allow myself to cry, grieve, melt down, whenever it is necessary to do so. It allows me to have MORE control and therefore be healthier. It allows my child, who comes from a background of abandonement to realize that it is ok to have and experience the emotions that come along with it. It gives her permission to gain control herself and not try to hold it together when I can tell she SO wants to cry. I very much DO NOT like to cry. But- I'm trying it out more. And even though at first I felt very much out of control, I am feeling more in control and realizing my body is actually pretty smart in knowing what it needs to do to be healthy.

You know, God also has his own theory on control. And that theory is that he wants us to let him have it. Romans 8:9 says that we are controlled NOT by our sinful nature but by the Spirit of the Holy God that lives in us. And in Him is ALL control. It brings me such peace to know that the God of yesterday is still the God of today and he's got it handled. Why would we think we could do it any better?

Thanks for reading the ramblings! If you are now thoroughly confused and feel you need further help (insert plug for my employer) please call The Enrichment Center and I am SO sure we can find someone to help push (or in my case shove) you towards growth!

One of My Favs....

2010-05-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

I LOVE this song! I have the conviction that music is GREAT therapy! Music is my soul and speaks to me when nothing else can and when everything else is drowned by the chaos that is sometimes life. Be sure to mute the music at the bottom and listen to this song. It WILL bless you!

Just Because I Could Eat Her Up!

2010-05-19T18:31:00.001-07:00

Silly face #1.....

Silly face #2.....

Silly face #3.....

Silliness getting out of control.....

Silliness WAY out of control!!!!

Notice the pj shirt says "Wild Child"......I couldn't find a more fitting description of this little Monkey. I LOVE this kid!

Meeting Mr. Chapman....

2010-05-09T12:29:00.000-07:00

So we met Steven Curtis Chapman! The ministry of this man has always been important to me. For various reasons. Too much to get in to trust me. The quick version is this. I was saved at a Steven Curtis Chapman event during the long haired, yellow blazer days when he was still singing in churches. It was then that I REALLY understood what it was that Christ did for me. I've never really gotten over it! Anyway, I really trusted the Lord that night at that concert. It is so weird to think of now that he is HUGE! In fact, there weren't even that many people there that night! Years later (and I do mean YEARS later) his ministry became important again through adoption. So important that now I support it! I believe I could completely wardrobe us with Show Hope merchandise if we could afford it! Don't dare me......

Now, Grace doesn't know all the build up to meeting him nor does she really know who he is except that he has little girls that look like her. They're Chinese so she says she knows them. Ha! She was more interested in showing him her ring pop and asking him if he would like one.

I am so glad that we were able to meet him and for the people who allowed this opportunity to happen.....I will always be thankful. Here's Grace and that man (as she calls him!)

Notice the ring pop is front and center. My favorite part of this story.....when he was leaving to go back to the bus before the show he walked back by us and said, "Bye Gracie." She, without thinking twice, ran up to him, ring pop and all, threw her arms around him and gave him the biggest, tightest hug. After getting over the fact that I thought David Trask (Steven's road manager) might have a heart attack that this was happening, Steven bent down and kissed Grace's head. What a love this man has for orphans! Please continue to pray for this family. They are still struggling with missing their little one and the tragedy that took her away from them. However, they are choosing everyday to SEE how the Lord can be glorified through this and how beauty truly can rise from ashes. When he walked away, for the last time Grace turned and said, "Mommy, who was that nice man?" SO, SO funny. Definately a lasting memory.

Oh yea. We also met Michael W. Smith. Whom Grace told very eloquently that she was a cute as a bellybutton. Cute huh?

Grace Showing Hope!

2010-04-22T18:40:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago Grace and I went up for a quick (24 hrs) girl trip to Louisville, KY to Women of Joy Conference (http://www.womenofjoy.org) hosted by Phil Waldrep Ministries (http://www.philwaldrep.org). Long story short, Steven Curtis Chapman was the concert and we were hoping to be able to meet him. We are fortunate and blessed to be friends with Debbie and Phil. They love Grace like she is theirs and were so helpful to us during our adoption. The friendship we share means TONS! So- Grace took a break from helping Debbie sell jewelry (as she's modeling) to go over to the Show Hope (http://blog.showhope.org) table and buy this very cool t-shirt. All proceeds go to help fund grants to bring home orphans to their waiting families. Grace wanted to know, "Will this money help us bring my sister home faster?" Maybe so sweet girl. Your mommy and daddy certainly hope so! You can check out the actual blog post on the Show Hope blog link posted above. The title to the post is "Gracie Hearts Show Hope". And the blog mentions that we are halfway through our second adoption. If you're employed by Lifeline Children's Services and you're reading this.....don't freak out. We haven't bailed on you. Just a misquote. We are fixing to start it! So there's our big news! And in case you're wondering if we met one Steven Curtis Chapman....check back over the weekend and see!!!!!

Paige

Imperfect Parents + Imperfect Children = Normal

2010-03-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

This post started out to be about Mommy guilt (which I am sure no one else struggles with!). Then in some reading I have been doing it just turned into a post simply about guilt. (Don't worry. I'm trying not to feel guilty about changing a post midway through.) Despite my best efforts, I feel guilty. ALOT! I could go into all the details about why I am most times motivated by guilt, but then I'd have to have you sign a confidentiality waiver. The true fact of the matter is.....guilt stinks. There is simply no reason for guilt to be an ever present, motivating factor in our lives. I don't know about you but there is no limit on the things that I could possibly feel guilty over. Grace can't tie her shoes yet so I might feel guilty over that. Isn't that still on the Kindergarten checklist? There are some things out of place at my house so I might feel guilty over that. Let's not even go into the relationships that are close to me. I feel guilty that I am not investing enough in them. I've done too little for them, too much for them, say no too much, need to say yes more often. ARGH!!!! After all the reading I've done, pondering, thinking, I've come to this conclusion....

Ladies, we have to get over it.

But-to get over it I think we need to know where the root of all this guilt lies. (This is where all the reading, pondering, and thinking comes in!) If we were all honest there are people that we know that have it all together right? WRONG! They simply just APPEAR to have it all together. Let's blame them. For instance, yesterday I was sitting at a table of WONDERFUL women who, in my mind, have it all together. Their children are well behaved, they look fabulous, and we all showed up to celebrate our other friend who is about to birth her third child. You know what our topic of conversation was at the table for awhile? Guilt! So- one thing we have to realize in our quest to get over guilt is that no one is perfect. There is no perfect mom, no perfect children, and no perfect marriage. For some reason, we just think there is. The only perfect person is God.

Another thing we need to do is tear up our "should" list. We need to just rip it to shreads. (I read this in an article and I actually made out a list and then set it aflame! Boy it was fun!) We all have a list in our heads of things we should do and then we judge ourselves based on that list! We are always going to feel guilty if we do that because the things on our list are things that only perfect moms, wives, and friends could do all of the time and we just read in the previous paragraph that there are no perfect people! So- get to ripping up that list sister. It is liberating!

And my last pet peave I'd like to mention in the guilt factor are the experts. You know who I'm talking about. The child psychologist you see on the Today Show who knows just how to conquer tantrums. The marriage expert who knows just how to restore the trust that may be missing from your marriage. Who exactly decides these people are experts? The acronyms behind their names? If that's the case let's all throw acronyms behind our names and we can all be experts. (My bff did this the other day and it was hilarious! Her acronyms were EL [excellant listener], SAD [superb advice doler], and FBFF [fab best friend forever]). Again, if we always compare ourselves to what the experts say, we are going to feel guilty. These "experts" don't know my family and so there is no way they could know what to do when my child pitches a fit in the middle of Wal-Mart. Take it with a grain of salt.

We are going to make mistakes ladies. We are not perfect, our children are not perfect, and God knows our husbands aren't perfect. You know what that makes us? Normal. The best thing we can do for everyone we invest in is to simply show up. Be present. Screw up when you need to and be fabulous when you can. It's ok. It's normal. We are all experts on our families. Comment me your acronyms. I'll post them so we can all see what kind of experts we are! Blessings.....

Paige Betterton GF, EL, PWM
(That would be Great Friend, Excellant Listener [stealing this from you Crysten], and present wife and mom. My acronyms are subject to change without notice. Just so you know.)

So My Sister Got Married....

2010-02-28T14:10:00.000-08:00

Well, my sister got married so now I am officially old. Sigh.... Lauren married a sweet man back in October. She's always wanted a fall wedding, and since Steve didn't propose until, well, six weeks before the wedding (it's ok Steve. We forgive you.) we didn't have a whole lot of time to plan a shower for her. So~ long story short~ she just had a shower this past weekend that was thrown by members of our family! And it was great! I mean, wouldn't you think a table FULL of all different kinds of cake was AMAZING? We did! We probably gained 10 pounds in a two hour time frame, but IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

Lauren and April

Lauren and I

Aunt Wylene, Cousin Susan, Cousin Connie, Cousin Cathy, Lauren, and Aunt A

Lauren and Mom

Amy and I(She was a cake maker too! Just not in the picture!)

The shower was fabulous and we had a GREAT time just spending some time with extended family that we usually don't get to see a lot!!!

My Sweet Friend!

2010-02-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

I'm not bragging or anything.....however.....I just want to take a moment to recognize a person who means, for lack of better words, A WHOLE LOT, to me!!!!! But back to the bragging......I have the BEST best friend in the entire universe! Not only can she do practically anything because she's SO extremely talented~ but this week she chose to give me a gift that I will certainly cherish forever! Because she painted it for me! Have a look and be TOTALLY jealous that you don't have one..... :)

I LOVE this! Not only because it is absolutely adorable (and matches my kitchen PERFECTLY by the way!), but it absolutely represents something even bigger to me. It represents the beauty of our friendship. I SO hope that you have the blessing of having a friend that gives like I do. Friendships, just like any relationship, take investing. And she always finds it worthwhile to invest in me~and for that~I am forever thankful!

So-kudo's to you Crysten! I am SO glad that you invest in me!!!! And, I also want to apologize that I don't have a creative bone in my body so you won't be getting any pottery from me! I will just have to find another way to invest back! Thanks for being my BFF!!!!!

Paige

LOVE this!

2010-02-23T12:28:00.000-08:00

I saw this on another blog that I read (Bring the Rain is the name of it! Just in case you're dying to know!) and wanted to share it! There is some amazing talent in this group. Praying for the kids EVERWHERE who are hurting.....be it through divorce, death of a parent, disaster, or the kids who are longing for a forever family. May we ALL reach out!

Don't forget to mute the music at the bottom!

Life - With EXTRA Sprinkles!!!

2010-02-10T14:56:00.000-08:00

Well, we've had some excitement around our house this past week. And NOT the "happy" kind I might add. Adoption is a mystery and so are ALL the things that come along with it. Like, medical things. When we go to the doctor, those of you who have birthed children know how long it can take to fill out all the forms that request medical histories from both parents. Well, that is one advantage I have over you! I don't ever have to fill out those sections! I simply write, "UNKNOWN". Oh the little things...

Well, I've learned today that this also has disadvantages. Grace's medical history has always been a mystery and let's face it- we attract weird illnesses. I think it's the communist in her...

Anywho...

I probably had my scariest time as a parent today. It all started about a week and a half ago. Grace was a little snotty, congested. She had that typical kid sickness they all have this time of year that their snotty little hands pass around at preschool and the church nursery. Well, then came the hives. And not just a few of them but armies of them all over her body. Called the doctor, gave them a small fortune (haven't met the deductible yet) for them to tell me it's viral and it will pass but here's a steroid just in case! Went home, opted out of the steroid (they are NOT our friend!) and gave her a healthy dose of Benedryl. Twenty-four hours later we're good as new! Just a few patches left. Fourty-eight hours after that she starts breaking out in knots. And I'm talking about KNOTS- the shiner kind that look like they were strategically placed everywhere that clothes didn't cover. I felt like Bethel might call DHR on me...so we filled the steroid. :( Sunday night, our most alarming symptom showed up. Bruises. I was SO sure the social worker would be at our house the next morning. They didn't go away, they kept showing up and before we knew it, both feet, the palms of both hands, and the backs of her knees were completely bruised. Taking matters into my own hands I called a specialist we had seen before at Children's and was told yesterday afternoon they would meet us at Referred Testing first thing this morning. We headed to Birmingham and the nurse was there just like she said.

I'm gonna rabbit trail for just a second. I could NEVER be a nurse. And it's so ironic that my husband is in nursing school because I use to think that it just didn't fit his personality. Now-I know that it takes special people to be nurses. They have to speak the truth- no matter how difficult it may sound or how much it may rock our world. Back to the story.

The nurse made sure I knew they were testing her for everything. I simply said, "ok." She said, "I mean everything. Even Leukemia." And freeze...

I don't think I breathed for like 5 minutes. I was scared to death. They drew blood...lots of blood. I quit counting at 4 vials. She had to have lost half of her blood volume. We went to the Galleria, fooled around Build A Bear (left with a psychodelic pink cute bear by the way!), went to the Disney Store, rode the Carasoul, and I just stared at my child. Wondering if this beautiful little girl was going to have to suffer. Well, thankfully, they called two hours later and said everything was normal. Watch them for another week. If they don't go away, or if more come back we are suppose to call them and have more work done. So we're not out of the clear yet, but we are one step closer.

I have never had such a roller coaster of emotions in one day. Scared, happy, worried, frantic, ecstatic. I told Grace she could pick whatever she wanted to for supper and we would get it. Know what she picked? Chinese food...with ice cream for dessert...topped with Sprinkles. Strange combination you might think? Who cares! The Asian Emperess has spoken and I quote..."It's just been an 'Extra sprinkle kind of day'."

Today, I felt my heart ache for my child. It was fearful. And now it is peacful. But even so, there are many more parents in the halls of Children's Hospital whose hearts are suffering due to their child's illness. And although we have been spared today I feel a connection with them. I've had a slight change in perspective, you might say. Webster's defines perspective as "the ability to see things in a true relationship to what they are." I've been thinking about those sprinkles Grace got SO excited about. You know what she likes about sprinkles? According to her, they make anything pretty good. Need some happy? Throw in a happy sprinkle. Some peace? I'm pretty sure you can add a sprinkle for that too. Whatever life throws at you-throw back a sprinkle. At least you'll smile! So-whether you've had a fantastic day or a pretty crappy day...just add sprinkles. Because everyone could use an "extra sprinkle kind of day." Looking forward to my sprinkles! Blessings...

Paige

Sour Blessings

2010-02-05T12:55:00.000-08:00

Well, I know the title of this NEW blog adventure of mine probably has you wondering, "Sour Blessings? Seriously?" Well...yes! This blog is essentially an online journal of mine. I LOVE to journal, but for some reason, do not have the time to sit and write and ponder and hear. Besides, I type much faster! Over the past year I have been asked a million times about the journey that brought us to adoption. At first, it was something I didn't like to talk about. But over the last year my heart has been changing. Undoubtedly, by the 5 year old who now holds it. This journey was painful, heartwrenching, joyful, anxious, doubtful, you name the emotion and I had it! But-it's also a journey of surrender and how healing surrender can be. I hope that you will not judge what you read on this blog. The counselor in me feels the need to put the disclaimer, "All emotions and feelings are ok. It's how we handle them." Anyone who has adopted has a different story. No two are the same. This is mine...

When Brandon and I began to try and have a baby I was ecstatic! SO excited!!! A year goes by....nothing. Another year goes by and an exploratory surgery...nothing. Needless to say I was beginning to question everything. My ability to parent (a child I didn't even have!), my status as a wife, woman. I felt DEFECTIVE. LABLED. I essentially felt like I was walking around with a scarlet letter on my chest. I did a lot of searching. A TON of praying. And still nothing. So, we began to see an infertility specialist. Now, let me insert here that at this point I began to feel God moving me towards adoption. But- those of you who know me well- know that I don't give up easily and I was determined to prove that I wasn't defective. So-I ignored him. And for another year we battled. Brandon and I battled, God and I battled. Shoot, I battled with everybody! (If your one of those people and your reading this, Sorry! Especially you Debbie Waldrep!) I was angry, hurt, and...defective. This battle that I fought was in every since a physical, spiritual battle. I screamed, fought, got physically sick, cried (a lot!), and stood my ground. This battle went on through 4 failed IUI's (intrauterine inseminations). I eventually got to the point where I was willing to give it up if someone could tell me why this form of parenthood wasn't in the cards for me. (Again-those of you who know me know I like to know why!) And again-there was no give. There was NO answer. We have both been checked. We were both-FINE. During this dark year, perhaps the darkest time of my life, I had a conversation with Debbie Waldrep that I believe to this day was ordained by God. We talked about me seeing a therapist and reluctantly I did. This was the turning point. The first point of surrender if you will. I had been seeing Melissa for awhile when this wonderful, caring, beautiful person led me to the point where one day she said, "This makes me think of something I read in Habakuk."

Cue scene- Now how many of us can say we've EVER read Habakkuk? It's this tiny book that is just kind of there sandwiched between Nahum (another book we've all probably never read) and Zephaniah (some of us might have read this one). Okay back to the conversation...

There were two points she made. One was in Habakkuk 1:5 where it reads, "Look among the nations, and see; wonder and be astounded. For I am doing a work in your days that you would not believe if told." And the second was just a chapter over. In Habakkuk 2 it says, "I will take my stand at my watchpost and station myself on the tower, and look out to see what he will say to me, and what I will answer concerning my complaint." And the Lord answered me: "Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end-it will not lie". I have NO idea what she said after that. She may as well have turned in to Charlie Brown's teacher. I firmly believe that God used her as a vessel that day. I did exactly what that verse said. I went home, wrote it down, and put it in a drawer. I gave it a one month time period. We'll reevaluate then. This was the second point of surrender for me. I guess I thought God would change his mind or something. But after a month I still heard, "This is not the plan I have for you." So- I gave in. I surrendered. And we began the process....hesistantly.

A year and a half later we boarded a plane to Beijing. I still wasn't sure what in the world we were doing and even thought about changing my mind right as we stepped into that plane. But- there was a peace. We got our beautiful, scared, traumatized Chinese baby on October 15, 2006. And believe me! Life has not been boring since!!! She is life personified in every fashion! I can't imagine life without her and I am so glad that I surrendered to being her mother. This is what I mean by "Sour Blessings". Infertility was such a sour, bitter journey for me (and Brandon!) But it led us to the blessing of Grace. Now I don't want to act like I have this licked. This is one battle I still fight. I still want to feel a baby move inside me, see what a little Brandon would look like. We've even tried again-with two miscarriages. But- the miracle that occured on October 15 inside that Civil Affairs office in Nanchang, China was just as much a miracle as anything could have ever been. And I still feel God telling me he has a better plan for us. Adoption has become my passion. And I SO glad God chose me for this journey. Hard as it may be at times.

So- I hope you'll check in from time to time to read my ramblings. And stories of Grace...and besides...we'll have a BIG announcement coming from our house soon...you will not want to miss it! Blessings to you!!!! The sweet and the sour kind!!!!

Paige